How to Figure Out What You Want in Life: A Therapist's Guide
Takeaway: Figuring out what you want in life doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. By identifying your core values, exploring your strengths, and setting small, actionable goals, you can start to create a life that feels authentic and fulfilling. And if you need a little guidance along the way, don’t hesitate to reach out to David O’Hara Counselling and Wellbeing—I’m here to help you navigate this journey with clarity and confidence.
Ever found yourself staring at a blank page, trying to map out your life, only to feel more lost than when you started? Or perhaps your entire life you’ve been ticking off the boxes—job, relationships, hobbies—but still feel like something’s missing? You’re not alone. In fact, one of the most common struggles I hear in my therapy room is the quiet, persistent question: “What do I want in life?”
It’s a big question, and it’s not always easy to answer. Life has a funny way of piling on expectations—from family, friends, society, or even ourselves—until we’re so busy meeting everyone else’s needs that we lose sight of our own. But learning how to figure out what you want in life isn’t about having all the answers right away. It’s about creating the space to explore, reflect, and reconnect with what truly matters to you.
The Journey Starts with Curiosity
As a therapist, I’ve worked with countless people who feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure about their direction in life. Whether it’s navigating a career change, rebuilding self-confidence, or simply trying to find more meaning in the everyday, the journey often starts with the same question: “What do I need right now?”
In this guide, I’ll walk you through some practical steps to help you uncover your core values, identify your strengths, and start making decisions that align with your authentic self. Because here’s the truth: you don’t have to have it all figured out to start moving forward. Sometimes, it’s about taking one small step at a time—and knowing that it’s okay to pause, reflect, and recalibrate along the way.
So, if you’re ready to explore what truly matters to you, let’s jump in.
6 Steps to Help You Decide What to Do With Your Life
1. The Power of Self-Awareness
One of the first steps in figuring out what you want is developing greater self-awareness. This might sound a bit abstract, but it’s really about paying attention to how you feel in different situations.
For example:
What activities make you lose track of time?
What kind of work leaves you feeling energised rather than drained?
When do you feel most like yourself?
These are clues—little signposts that can help you uncover what truly matters to you.
In my therapy sessions, I often encourage clients to keep a journal or simply take a few minutes at the end of each day to reflect on these questions. It doesn’t have to be complicated; even just noticing when you feel a sense of joy, satisfaction, or peace can be incredibly revealing.
2. Identify Your Core Values
Feeling stuck or trying to figure out how to decide what you want in life? Start by identifying your core values—the principles that give your life meaning and direction. Think of them as your internal compass, guiding you toward decisions that feel authentic and fulfilling.
Many of us chase success, money, or career goals because we’ve been told we should. But if these don’t align with your deeper values, they’re unlikely to bring lasting happiness or well-being. At the same time, if being wealthy is something you want, no problem–go for it. It’s about aligning with what actually brings you satisfaction.
To uncover your values, ask yourself:
What kind of person do I want to be?
What matters most in my relationships, career, and family?
When do I feel most fulfilled or proud?
Once you’ve got a handle on your values, use them as your guide. When a new job opportunity pops up, ask: Does this align with my values? If your career path feels like it’s leading you nowhere, consider: What changes would bring my work in line with what I care about?
Living by your values isn’t always easy, but even small steps—like prioritising hobbies or protecting your well-being—can make a big difference. And remember, your values can evolve. Keep checking in: Is this what I truly want? (Spoiler: If the answer’s no, it’s okay to change course.)
3. Examine Your Strengths & Interests
Figuring out what you want in life isn’t just about identifying your core values—it’s also about understanding your strengths and interests. After all, your dream job or life goals are far more likely to feel fulfilling if they align with what you’re naturally good at and passionate about.
Start by asking yourself:
What’s something I’ve always been curious about but never tried?
What do people often come to me for advice or help with?
When do I feel most in my element? (Hint: If the answer is “when I’m not wearing trousers,” maybe consider remote work.)
Once you have a clearer idea of your strengths and interests, you can start to imagine how they might fit into your future. For instance, if you’re great at connecting with people, could that lead to a more people-focused career? Or if you love creating things, could you explore a creative side hustle?
But the thing is, this isn’t about finding the “perfect” answer straight away. Life isn’t a multiple-choice quiz where you have to pick the right option. It’s more like a choose-your-own-adventure book—messy, unpredictable, and occasionally hilarious. So, focus on your own happiness and explore what makes you feel good, and use that as a foundation to build a life that feels authentically you.
4. Explore & Experiment
Figuring out what you want in life isn’t just about thinking—it’s about doing.
Let’s face it, the vast majority of us aren’t going to stumble upon our dream job or life purpose by overanalysing every decision until our brains feel like overcooked spaghetti. Sometimes, you’ve just got to roll up your sleeves and give things a go.
Start small. If you’re curious about a new career, hobby, or even just a different way of living, dip your toes in. Take a course, shadow someone in that field, or dedicate a few hours a week to exploring it.
The goal here isn’t to get it perfect straight away—it’s to figure out what feels right and what feels… well, not so right. And remember, it’s okay if something turns out to be not what you expected. Every experiment, whether it works out or not, brings you closer to clarity. Plus, learning what you would say “no” to can be even more valuable.
Approach this process with a positive attitude. Instead of worrying about making the “wrong move,” see each step as a chance to learn more about yourself. After all, life isn’t a straight path—it’s more like a winding country road with the occasional pothole and maybe a rogue sheep or two. The more you explore, the clearer your direction will become. And who knows? You might even enjoy the journey along the way.
5. Set Small, Actionable Goals
Here’s a little secret: not everything has to be decided at once. In fact, the only reason many of us feel stuck is because we’re trying to tackle everything at once.
Instead, focus on setting small, actionable goals. For example, if you’re exploring a new career path, your first goal might be as simple as researching the industry or reaching out to someone who works in that field. If you’re looking to improve your well-being, start with a 10-minute walk each day or a weekly journaling habit. These small steps might seem modest, but they build momentum and confidence, helping you move closer to your bigger aspirations.
Remember, progress doesn’t have to be dramatic to be meaningful. Sometimes, the smallest steps—like choosing the stairs over the lift or actually drinking water instead of your third coffee—lead to the most significant changes. So, take it one step at a time.
6. Seek Support
Figuring out what you want in life can feel like a solo journey, but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes, the best way to gain clarity is by leaning on others for support. Whether it’s venting to a trusted friend over a cuppa, joining a community of like-minded people (yes, even if it’s a niche group for people who love knitting and heavy metal), or seeking guidance from a professional like a life coach or therapist, reaching out can make all the difference.
A fresh perspective can help you see things you might have missed, and a bit of encouragement can give you the confidence to take those first steps. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of strength.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If you’re feeling stuck, unsure about your direction, or constantly asking yourself, “What do I want?”, I’m here to help. As a therapist, I offer a safe, non-judgmental space where you can unpack your thoughts, feelings, and goals without feeling like you’re being interrogated. Plus, I use a blend of research-backed techniques applied in an approachable, down-to-earth way so you can know you’re getting therapy that actually works.
Together, we’ll address how to know what you want in life by uncovering your core values, identifying your strengths, and creating a plan that feels authentic and, dare I say, achievable.
Whether you’re navigating a career change, rebuilding confidence, or simply looking for more meaning in your everyday life, my person-centred approach ensures that you’re in the driver’s seat. If you’re ready to take the next step, why not book a free 15-minute consultation? Let’s start this journey together—because life’s too short to figure it all out on your own.
